Can we all just admit that grief only ends when we die?

To live is to love and to love is to grieve.

They say grief is the final emotion of love. Love is not linear and confined to human beings, love extends to literally anything in your life.

Grief is not only for the loss of a loved one. You can grieve a time in your life that you cannot re-live, an opportunity gone, a potential that you never reached, a relationship cut too short or that just never evolved to its potential. It can be something that you had or something that you could have had. The size of the loss is irrelevant. A loss is a loss.

You cannot tell someone to simply ‘move on’ or ‘get over’ a loss.  It is unfair to ever judge someone because of their grief, unless you are living with that brain and that soul, you will never truly understand the magnitude of love they felt.  The love that is now grief.   

Some people seem to move on from a loss with ease, the outside world would have no idea they suffered a loss.  You can never assume someone is always okay, you never know the grief they are feeling deep down. Or maybe not even that deep down. It could be sitting right there on the surface, just hidden. Hidden so no one knows, so no one thinks they are weak or are a burden.

When my long term relationship ended, I remember a co-worker came up to me and said he’s proud of me, that I’m doing really well.  Actually, I wasn’t doing well.  It felt like I was dying inside from the grief of losing my boyfriend and best friend.  My co-worker thought I was doing well because I continued to turn up to work and put a smile on my face.  It was all a lie, what are you meant to do? I needed money, it’s a necessity to live, of course I still had to show up in the world.  You never know what someone is going through.  What I would have loved to hear at that time from someone, anybody! is it will take a long time to process this grief, it’s okay to take a long time, there is no right or wrong in the length or process to handle this.

In reality, we are all grieving something or someone. That grief only grows as the years pass and the losses add up.

You’re allowed to grieve, for as long as you want, for the rest of your life even. It’s okay. It’s okay to grieve.

Who says you have to get over it? Who says you have to stop grieving? Why is there shame around grief? Why make yourself feel bad or put pressure on yourself because you are still grieving a loss? People that grieve still function in society, and yes, they're allowed to still feel the grief living in their heart. It will be with them until it stops beating. And that’s just how it is. If you want to admit it or not.

Some people you love right now, you will miss until the day you die. You will grieve the loss of them until your last day. No matter how much time passes. And that’s life. 

You’re not alone in this. You can look at any person and know they are grieving. Everyone loves, everyone loses, and everyone grieves.

Steph